Why Talk Therapy May Have Felt Like It Didn’t Work for You If you’ve spent months — or years — in therapy and walked away feeling articulate about your problems but not actually different, this post is for you. It’s one of the most common things I...
How Attachment Shows Up in Adult Relationships Hazan and Shaver (1987) were the first to apply Bowlby’s framework systematically to adult romantic relationships. Their research demonstrated that the same patterns observed in infants: secure, anxious, avoidant...
When most people hear the word “trauma,” they picture catastrophic events — a car accident, an assault, a natural disaster. These are what clinicians call Big-T traumas: single, clearly identifiable events that overwhelm the nervous system and leave...
A breakup can feel like one of the most disorienting experiences a person goes through. Not just sad, physically painful. The kind of pain that sits in the chest, disrupts sleep, makes it hard to eat, and leaves a person feeling like they have lost something far...
You have probably heard people describe themselves as “anxiously attached” or “avoidant.” These terms have entered mainstream culture through social media, dating advice, and pop psychology. But beneath the labels lies a robust body of research...
A Different Approach to Boundaries Boundaries in collectivist families do not have to mean separation. They can mean sustainable connection and finding ways to honour your relationships while also protecting your mental health. Here is what culturally attuned...
You love your family and you also feel overwhelmed by them. These two things are not contradictions. They are the lived reality of many people who grew up in collectivist cultures, particularly Asian families, where love, loyalty, and obligation are deeply...
Finding a Cantonese-Speaking Therapist in BC: Why Language Matters in Therapy Imagine trying to describe the most vulnerable thing you have ever felt, but in your second language. You can do it. You have been doing it your whole life. But there is something that gets...
Why Willpower Alone Doesn’t Fix Relationship Anxiety People with relationship anxiety are often highly self-aware. They know their reactions are disproportionate. They tell themselves to “just relax” or “stop overthinking.” And it does not work because the anxiety is...
Relationship anxiety is not a personality flaw. It is typically an adaptation — a response the nervous system developed in the context of early relationships where connection was uncertain. Attachment Theory and Early Caregiving John Bowlby’s attachment theory (1969)...
